september 22nd 2011

Just start.
That's what we say right?
Just get it going.
Uncork the bottle.
See what comes out.
Try to stay present.
Try not to judge.

I'm sitting in a hookah bar on central and 5th,
drinking tea, and smoking a flavor I'm unsure of.
I told the guy to surprise me.
They're playing hip hop.
The decor is middle eastern.
Sparse, but classy,
and the lighting is dim and colorful.
It's drizzling outside.
The streets shine from the streetlights,
clean and bright from the downpours earlier on.
A far off flash of lightning creates a silhouette of the trees.

I'm guessing either grape-mint or pineapple melon,
as I stare at the bubbling water in the glassed bottom Hookah,
as it changes color by L.E.D. light.

There's a song I heard last week which I haven't heard in years,
that I've been listening to this week
that's been helping me cling to my sanity.
It just came on.
I smile for a moment and think about some version of God.

I am peaceful.
I am here writing because I have not been peaceful.
I have been worried, disturbed, and scared,
about the future,
and angry,
about the past.

I'm trying to decide...

Either I'm beginning to doubt,
in the fabric of my belief system.

or

I'm unsure of my ability to follow it.

or

I should cast aside doubt, and continue believing;
risking the possibility of living as a fool in denial.

I suppose I'm just trying to get a perspective
of my perspective
in relation to (my) reality.

A difficult task indeed.

It's grape-mint.

The Christmas lights in the window
blink back and forth.

Red to green, red to green.